On September 19,1994 I lost my best dog friend, a German Shepherd named Zep, then on the 29th I lost the most important man in my life, my father. This began a cycle of grieving that lasted three years.

I still had my Shepherd Kahn, but he was 10 years old, with very bad hips, and had cancer. I felt as though it would not be long before he also would be going and I did not want to be left alone. That's how Khi came into the picture.

My friend Bonnie and I thought a litter of puppies would be good for both of us, so she decided to breed Aztec. Our original plan was to breed to Jack, a Pedra son. Pedra was a half sister to our Zep. Yes, that's right, Zep was Bonnie's dog also, just as Pedra was both of ours. The Jack plan did not pan out, so we took Aztec to our friend Linda who owned Two Worlds Kennel and Booze, a brother to Jack. We tried to breed Aztec and Booze but the time was not right. In the meantime, Bonnie bred her to a dog called Amor. Two months went by and no puppies.

I was very disappointed. I had worked those two months on coming up with the perfect name for my pup. Roze-N-Smoke. With numerology, it equaled 803, which was Zep's birthday.

I later found out that Linda had a litter coming that was out of her dog Boa, who I had admired when we were there. She had bred Boa to Amor also. Plus, there was another litter in mind. Jeff and Andrea had bred their white shepherd and was having a litter in May. Linda's litter was born 4-08-95 and Jeff and Andrea's litter was born 5-03-95. One litter contained 8 and the other 3. Now what do I do? The one thing that stuck in my mind were the three lights in the sky that Bonnie saw the night Zep died. She had said they were at 4 o'clock, 8 o'clock, and 12 o'clock. Okay. 4-8-12. 1+2=3, 4-8-3. 483. 408-803. But... there was a white pup born at 8 o'clock on the 3rd. Being partial to the black and tans, I chose the only male available to me from the litter born on 4-8-95. The only drawback at that time, was the fact that he was out of the "K" litter. I was told I could not use the name I had worked so hard on, Roze-N-Smoke, because it started with an "R". So after giving it more thought, I came up with Khi-Lakota, which meant a friend from God. I called him Kiley. After having him awhile I changed his name again to Two Worlds Katcher of Dreams. He not only was a dreamer, he had the same rich colors of a dream catcher that Bonnie had made. It was a name I could live with. However, it soon became apparent that Kiley himself was not something I could live with. Even though he was one of the most beautiful Shepherds I'd ever seen, he was a very strange pup from day one. Very anti social, unloving, and aggressive, he never wanted to be held or loved in any way. I tried to take him back three times, but was stopped in my tracks every time. I figured there was a reason for having him, I just wasn't sure why. The only one that Khi bonded with was Kahn, who passed away when Khi was only ten months old. By the time he turned a year old he began the obsessive behavior of tail chasing. Neither the vets nor I knew what to do. It was at this point I began searching for anything and everything to help him. Another pup came into our lives, a standard poodle named Maya. She and Khi became very good friends, but it didn't stop the spinning. Next came acupuncture, and from there Therapeutic Touch and Reiki. These modalities helped some, but were not the answer. It was as if the tail wasn't a part of him and he had to catch it for whatever reason. I lived with this for one and a half years, constantly looking for a new way to help him. He continued to worsen. After many days and nights of anguish, I made the heart breaking decision to end his misery. September 6, 1997 I had to face what I could hardly bear to think of, putting Khi to sleep. He had taught me plenty, and because of him I learned patience and acceptance of things I cannot change. I also learned that giving things to God was the only real way to solve anything. I had done all that I could do, so I gave him back to God. Still, the loss was nearly unbearable.

After burying Khi, Maya and I sat along the bank of the pond. It was a beautiful day, the sky was blue, not many clouds and a nice breeze every now and then. I'll never forget the silence and peacefulness. I was so accustomed to hearing Khi spinning and panting when we were there. Today, it was so quiet. Out of nowhere, a turkey vulture flew by in front of us, circled three times and flew away. Just after that a hawk flew past us in the same direction. It also circled three times and flew away. I thought, remember the spiral. Was that another lesson to be learned? Was the tail chasing or spinning just a way to show me the spiral? And what exactly does that spiral mean? The spiral of life, or the circle of life and all living things? I realized at that time I had ended the grieving cycle of three years. From Zep to Khi, beginning to end, it had been three long years. 483. The two of them had come full circle and are laid to rest together on the hill. It was over.

For the first time in 24 years, I did not have a German Shepherd in my life. Still there was Maya, and she's a very loving , sweet girl. I'm sure she feels the loss of Khi also. She loved him very much. I love her dearly, and she is a huge help in keeping my mind off of everything, but I still missed my Shepherds. I prayed to God, If he wanted me to have another Shepherd he would have to send it, because I will not go looking for another one. He had once, long ago, sent a Shepherd to mankind. Could -- would he send one for me?

Ezekiel 34:5

And they were scattered, because there is no shepherd:

I had little time to grieve for Khi. I entered Reflexology school the following weekend, and was very busy. On the evening of my Mothers' birthday, September 25, 1997, I was admitted into the hospital, with pacreatitis, extremely ill and near death. I don't remember much of the first few days except feeling I was traveling the universe. On September 29th, I awoke to the presence of a German Shepherd at my feet. I saw a black and tan Shepherd lying on my bed. I thought it was Khi, but...

After I was discharged, I went to stay with my Mom for awhile. A whole month had passed before actually making it home. It was pretty strange without a Shepherd in the house and I thought of all of them I had over the years. Khi, Kahn, Zeppelin, Pedra, Kody, Justin, and Andy. Not to mention all the others I knew. I missed them all and recalled the dog at the foot of my hospital bed. Was it Khi? Was it any one of them? Was it all of them? Did God send me a Shepherd? That is when I got the phone call. A girl named Jennifer, who had gotten my number from Jeff and Andrea. She wanted to know if I would be interested in taking her dog. A five month old male Shepherd. I asked where she got him and when she said Two Worlds Kennel, I recalled the past two and a half years and said no. We talked for over an hour. She described to me the making of another Khi. She said he was hard to handle, aggressive, couldn't be house trained, couldn't give him a bath or cut his toenails, wouldn't let her pet him, and the list went. on. Her biggest fear was the pup was not very nice to her one year old daughter. I also learned that she is my cousins' daughter, so since she was family I told her I would be willing to try and help her train him, but I could not go through what I had went through with Khi.

Two weeks went by and I hadn't heard anything from Jennifer. I just couldn't get that pup out of my mind and broke down and called her back. I asked if she would bring him by so I could see him.. Thinking a big dog with an attitude was coming to visit, Maya went out and the cats went to the bedroom. When she got here and this 40 pound little whiny boy came up the stairs, I wasn't sure what to think. He was very excited and hard to handle, but not aggressive at all. His name is Zeke and he is out of the "R" litter. He's a Pedra great grandson. He looked so much like Khi he could have almost been his twin. Although it all sounded good, he was lacking in muscle tone and very underweight. I was very apprehensive. I told Jennifer what to do with him as far as getting him fattened up and what training to do to get him clamed down. I just didn't know if the time was right for me to get another dog. I had school to go to in March. Who would watch him?

Two more weeks went by , and I continued to think of the pup. November 21st, the song Over the Hills and Far Away by Led Zeppelin played over and over in my mind. Especially the line, Hey lady, you got the love I need. That afternoon my friend Barbara from California called. She had just received the letter I'd sent her telling her about Zeke. She told me I had to go get that dog. I expressed my concerns. She again said I had to go get that dog. He "needs" me. She said that was all she wanted for her birthday, was for me to go get that dog! Today! I hung up the phone, thought about it and heard that song again. You got the love I "need". I called Jennifer and asked if I could have Zeke for the weekend to decide if I wanted to keep him. She asked if I would take him that night because they were going out of town and had no one to watch him. I made a few phone calls and my neighbor, Darlene said she would watch him until I got home from work. Things were falling into place. I was so excited about getting off work and picking up Zeke. That weekend was an incredible experience for me. It was like a reunion with an old friend. He did need me, and I needed him. Sometimes we have to overlook the faults to see the beauty.

When Monday came I called Jennifer to say I would keep him on one condition. She had to give me his papers. I couldn't take the chance of her coming back later and changing her mind. She agreed, and I was given the honors of naming him on paper. He came from the "R" litter, and I thought of Roze-N-Smoke, but because he looked so much like Khi, he became Two Worlds Remember Me. Since then he has reminded me of all my Shepherds. He's so much like Kahn it's spooky. He chews all his toys like Pedra. He has that silly personality like Zep, and he's getting almost as tall as Kody. Zeke has gained about 50 pounds, developed muscles, and blossomed into a very beautiful German Shepherd. All it took was finding the proper diet, some training, "patience" and lots of love. I couldn't have chosen a better dog for myself. I call him Ezekiel Stanley Tucker.

On January 31, 1998 I took my mother to the cemetery to take flowers to my fathers grave for his birthday. Jennifer's grandmother is buried just below my father. I saw that she was born on December 15. I thought that was just another part of my circle of life. Zeke's great grandmother, Pedra's birthday was also December 15 and his mother Astie, was born on September 29th.

I believe we have all been connected by the Good Shepherd and He had sent all of us together from the beginning. Jeff is the one who had puppies on 5-03-95. Zeke was born 5-30-97. Jeff gave Jennifer my number, and I still got a black and tan Shepherd from Two Worlds Kennel. When I got my calendar for this year I immediately looked up Zeke's birthday. It says, "If they believe that I was sent by God, They are not deceived." God truly works in mysterious ways. Ask and you shall receive. All it takes is faith and trust. He knows what all of us need, be it human or animal, or both. As I sit here with that black and tan Shepherd at my feet, I know I have been given a true and trusting friend from God.

1 Corinthians 1:4

I give thanks to God always for you.